Ryan Newman and Tony Stewart, Talking About The Utterly Stupid Article Raygan Swan Wrote About Them

Dear People Of Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network, Lords and Masters of NASCAR.COM:

What the hell.

Seriously.  What the hell.

You’ve run some industrial strength steer manure in the past.  Bad reporting, bad writing, opinion columns with 99 44/100% less understanding of NASCAR, racing or anything else than Paris Hilton has about the value of chastity.  But today… well, today you’ve reached new heights in sinking to the lowest depths.  This one will be hard to top.  Or bottom, depending on how you look at it.

I refer to the article by Raygan Swan that starts out with this deathless prose:

“I love you man.”

Those were the words I mused Ryan Newman had cried into teammate Tony Stewart’s ear during the driver’s first Victory Lane celebration in the No. 14 last weekend at Pocono Raceway.

Elated with pride, Newman was the first guy to congratulate Stewart with a full on man hug during the post-race festivities.
Getty Images

Not since the Jimmie Johnson-Casey Mears tearful, man hug when Mears won his first Cup race back in 2007 at Lowe’s Motor Speedway have NASCAR fans witnessed such a ‘bromance’ bloom between two drivers.

Like Shrek and Donkey, Sam and Frodo or better yet Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr., Stewart and Newman are in the midst of a notable bromance best described, unofficially, as the admiration and man-affection shared by two heterosexual males which doesn’t cross a line or put into question said manhood.

And you printed this.

Really.

Seriously.

You printed this.

I must say, to a degree congratulations are in order.  You’ve outdone yourselves in providing fodder for the NASCAR haters out there.  Oh, the jokes that will fly based on this one!  Look at dem dere rednekks going Brokeback Mountain.  Must be lonely in dem hills wid dem drinkin’ all that moonshine and no wemmens around.  Yuckle yuckle yuckle.

You know there’s a race this weekend, right?  You’ve heard about the manufacturer support that’s going away, correct?  You have some slight familiarity with the controversy over a crew chief being suspended for allegedly uttering a racial slur, I assume?  Am I correct in any of these beliefs?

And your response?

Running a powderpuff giggle-goo piece of drek any given tabloid would turn down for being too amateurish.

Nice going, Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network, lords and masters of NASCAR.COM.

Thanks for making NASCAR and the people who follow it laughingstocks.

Really.

Thanks.

And what the hell.