The Shocking Truth About Danica Patrick Revealed!

The racing world has been rocked by the revelation of a hot, new and ultra-shocking romance between SI swimsuit star/race car driver Danica Patrick and FOX Sports’ intrepid camera operator Digger.  Despite the best efforts of all parties involved to keep the relationship covered up while Danica herself remains mostly uncovered, details (as opposed to Danica’s back tattoo) are being exposed.

The happy couple was recently spotted on the beach together.

“They’re not doing anything wrong,” an inside member of the Patrick posse insists.  “What’s wrong with a couple of cartoon characters falling in love?”  When reminded that Danica is an actual person as opposed to the computer generated Digger the insider snorted in reply, “Tell that to the media.  They haven’t figured that out yet.”

A further reminder that Danica is married to Paul Hospenthal generated a referral to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew at Muppet Labs who eagerly shared the following information: “Here at Muppet Labs where the future is being invented today, my assistant Beaker and I are happy to report there is in fact no Paul Hospenthal.  He, or should I say it, is one of our more brilliant creations.  It is a beautifully executed and flawlessly performing hand-controlled marionette operated by Ms. Patrick, which is why you almost never see it as she is usually too busy with race cars and photo shoots.  We have also developed a stand-alone model which Beaker operates from inside the mechanical marvel, although sadly to date we have yet to receive a request for it to make an appearance.”

A friend of Digger’s former girlfriend Annie has stated that she has moved on.  “She’s a strong gopher,” the friend said, adding that what once was harmless flirtation with the Aflac duck has now blossomed into a relationship.  “It all started so innocently,” the friend confides.  “She asked the duck if he could get her some MP3s from Carl Edwards’ record company.  Next there was a ride in the car — that blond was just a front — and one thing led to another.  It’s good for both of them, really.  The duck’s been feeling left out and lonely ever since Edwards got hitched and isn’t into hanging out with the guys anymore.”

On the rebound, they're making sweet music together.

Reactions around the racing world have varied.  Jack Roush’s only comment was, “I have a driver named Edwards?”  He said this while sitting behind his desk decorated with Matt Kenseth’s Daytona 500 amd Auto Club 500 trophies along with the heads of all parts suppliers for Kenseth’s engine at the Shelby 427.

On the IRL side, Sarah Fisher sniffed, “That woman can do whatever she wants to.  I don’t care.  I have my own race team to worry about.  Besides, Milka Duno and I are both better built.”

Sarah Fisher and Milka Duno. 'Nuff said.

A spokesperson for FOX had no comment other than, “The kids still like him. So there!”